Exerpt from “Bless Your Heart”
“You can’t baptize that baby in winter,” Maude shook her head. “She’ll freeze slam to death.”
“It’s not technically winter,” Opal countered. She launched into an explanation of how the seasons were originally named and which months of the year fell into which season according to the calendar.
“I don’t care what season April is in,” Maude shrugged. “It’s colder than a frosted frog out here.”
“What exactly does that even mean?” Ruby giggled from the pew ahead of her. She had opened her Bible to a random passage and had been trying to read to pass the time, but she kept getting distracted.
“Well, I was going to say it’s colder than a witch’s tit, but I knew you’d get all up in arms about that one,” Maude smirked.
“Maude! Shh,” Ruby hissed. She had gone beet red and sank down in the pew. Maude never failed to embarrass her when people were around. The small church was filled with her neighbors and fellow Rhinestonians that were waiting for Brother George Barton to walk up to the pulpit. He had gotten caught at the back of the aisle by the piano player, Tammy, who was complaining about the songs the choir director had chosen for the week. Tammy preferred a more consistent song list that didn’t vary from week to week, but Brother Barton had left the song list up to the choir director, Thurmond Decater, much to Tammy’s fury…